I was sitting in bed this morning; missing my husband terribly as I watched my daughter laugh at herself. As I watched her I thought: “I wish he was here to see this. To share in the giggles.”

The last 3 months of my life have been, to put it lightly, the most challenging months I’ve ever experienced. Sometimes it’s hard not to have a pity party daily. I’m alone. Working full time. With an infant. Hardly getting sleep and working what feels like around the clock.

When mom’s used to say to me “Being a parent is a full time job” I didn’t really comprehend what that meant. Why? Because you are always worried about your child? Because they are yours forever?  Well yes. But that’s not what we mean.

For the working mom your day probably looks something like this: Wake up early. Feed baby/kids. Get baby ready. Mommy get ready. Pack up work stuff. Pack up baby stuff (which typically takes longest). Get in the car. Drop kid off at daycare. Feel guilty about dropping kid off a daycare. Vow to stay home. Look at bank account. Realize you cannot stay home. Drive to work. Work for 8 hours. Wonder where the day went. Drive home. Pick baby up. Play/cuddle/feed baby. Then maybe nap? Maybe play? Depending on baby/kids age. Clean bottles from daycare. Clean bottles from last night. Throw a load of laundry in. Make dinner. Feed family. Clean up dinner. Play with kids. Bathe kids. Read to kids. Bedtime. Clean bottles again. Maybe get to take a shower? It’s 9pm now. I should sleep. Sleep through the night, if you are lucky. Wake up. Repeat. Long sigh. Deep breath.

When is there time? When are you are alone? For friends? For baking? For community group or bible study? When is there time? Especially when you are alone. GIANT SHOUT OUT TO MY SINGLE MAMA’S or MAMA’S WHO HAVE DEPLOYED HUBS.

I sat in bed this morning with my daughter and I took a lot of deep breaths and wondered when I would feel inspired again? When I was in my early 20s I had so many hopes and dreams. So many things that inspired me. Nothing in my [current] life has got in the way of those hopes and dreams except me. And the lack of time? Maybe. Who knows.

Then I read a blog about {Being Present} and staying in the moment. Her name is Leeana and you should read her blog. It’s refreshing.

With so much to do on a daily basis I forget to breath. To inhale deeply.  Exhale. There is Grace.

Inhale all of God’s grace. Grace for all my failures. Grace for the busy days that get away from me. Grace for all complaining and anger in my heart during this season of life. Exhale. There is abundant, unending, free of charge Grace. 

Today, while I sat in my bed, asking the Lord for forgiveness for such an ungrateful heart. I asked him to inspire me. To remind me of my many blessings {as if I deserve it}. Just then my silly little mini Chase {aka my daughter} laid her chunky little head on my chest to cuddle. Then lifted her head up. Look me right in the eyes with those giant baby blues. Smiled. And opened her mouth to kiss me.

Inhale deeply. Thank you, Father. 

Today my daughter, God’s greatest gift, {inspired} me. She inspired me so deeply. To seek after God more. His word. His Law. His ways. His grace. To be the best example for my tiny human.

My husband emailed me a couple weeks ago. Talking about how much I inspire him. We’ve done the same devotional together for several years now and he sent me the line from that day : “Transform your fear into confident trust”  then he said “Trust that God has a plan, my love. And even in your worst time He will transform your fear into confident trust.”  My husband. Always bringing me back to truth. Always leading me back to Jesus when I go astray. We talked that day and both agreed Isla has inspired us more than anything else in our lives.  She, and other children God may bless us with, are our greatest opportunity. Opportunity to change the world.

I read a quote the other day about parenting that said this:

{Most people think they need to make a better world for their children, but the reality is we need to make better children for our world.}  So we see this as the greatest opportunity of our lives. To show this little girl what Love is. What Grace is. What Truth is. To not be of this world but be a light of Truth in it.

It helps that her daddy will probably never let her date so she’ll just live with us until she’s retired and we’ll all grow old together. That’s normal, right?

My husband inspires me. Who he is. What he stands for. Mainly in his silence. He doesn’t shout from the roof tops but he hangs back and does what is right. He loves well. My goal this year, in 2015, I want to inspire you. I want to inspire my friends, my daughter, my family, my husband.

So this week I’m doing things that inspire me. 1. writing 2. exercising 3. spending time with some women I really love endlessly. 4. showing myself some grace

Love,
J